the chronicles of my journey to a thinner me

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Mini Goal - One-derland

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Love and hate... (warning, this goes on a bit)

Weight: 214

Points: 26/26
AP Earned: 6
Flex Balance: 32

I love those New Balance commercials about having a love/hate relationship. There, I admit it. :) They ring so true - not just about running, but about exercise in general. I hesitate to call what I am doing 'running' just yet. It just seems a little grandiose - like hopping over a puddle and then calling myself a long jumper or something. I am a frequent exerciser though. I have been exercising to the point (or almost to the point) of fatigue 5-7 days a week for the last 5 weeks - and a little less strenuously, but 4-6 days a week for about 2 months before that. So, while I can't really speak to 'running' I can say that I have a love/hate relationship with exercise.

It's strange. I look forward to my nightly exercise, even when I know it's really hot, it might rain, or I'm too tired. I look forward to it and get really anxious at the thought of missing it. That said, there are moments (sometimes a lot of them) while I am exercising that I absolutely loathe it. During those times, it's sheer will that carries me through it.

Take last night for example. It was Wednesday, so that means I was scheduled to run/walk in 2min/1min intervals for 30 minutes. After that, I walk as fast as I can for another 30 minutes. I knew it was going to suck about 1.5 into the first running interval. Usually I feel almost springy for at least the first 2 or 3 intervals, then it gets harder, and then strangely enough it gets easier. Well last night it sucked at the beginning, it sucked most of the way through it, and it sucked right up until the end. It even sucked during the 30 minute fast walk afterward. If I had a dollar for every time I almost quit I could've bought a pizza on the way home. I almost cried at one time I hated it so much. My DH was laughing at me because I kept saying, "I hate you! I hate you!" interspersed with some 4-letter words. Note: the "I hate you" was directed at the hills, the workout, sometimes my tired legs - not my DH. None of that is all that surprising (surely everyone who works out has moments during some workouts where they just HATE it). What IS surprising though is that I DID IT ANYWAY. ME. The girl with a problem pulled up her big girl panties, sucked it up, and KEPT ON GOING. I kept repeating to myself, "I will not quit. I will not quit." I read somewhere the other day (paraphrasing), Life is a marathon. You can run. You can walk some of the way if you need to. If you sit on the couch, it will pass you by in an instant. Kind of scary, kind of cool, but it sticks with you.

I don't know why it was so much harder to work out yesterday, but I'm glad I made it through it. It really makes me much more confident that I can get better, stronger, and faster. It just feels so good to be able to say "I did it" instead of come here with a bunch of excuses as to why I didn't. As much as I hated that workout last night, I am looking forward to the one tonight. I'm worried the weather won't cooperate, but I'm walking for 45-60 minutes tonight unless it's pouring rain or lightning.

It's so strange. My body is changing, but so is my mindset, my drive, my spirit. I am being transformed. It's strange, but also very exciting. If I had to offer a reason for this, I would have to say it's due, at least in part, to the blogger community. Seriously. Reading about your victories and struggles taught me that there is no end to what I can accomplish. I learned that it's not easy for anyone to do this, but that so many of you do it anyway. I learned that the hardest part is not to let yourself say, "it's too hard". I see beautiful women in various stages of their own personal transformations not waiting to live their lives. I see runners and triathletes with big grins on their faces as they are crossing the finish line. Some of these athletes are at goal, and some aren't just yet - but they are setting goals and accomplishing them. They're out there DOING IT NOW, not waiting for some magic number to appear before living their lives to the fullest. All of you ladies inspire me daily to live NOW. Thanks to all of you for that.

I am on a mission. I WILL NOT BE DETERRED.


Angie All The Way said...

Your attitude is absolutely awesome and I am so glad that you commented on my blog today. Thank you so much :-)

P.S. If you run, you're a "runner," I says. It makes no difference how competitive you are in the standings. You are doing frikkin' amazing and with your attitude, you will no doubt be getting to your goals in no time!

Viv said...

You run therefore YOU are!

I had to remind myself of that, and still do when surrounded by others who are faster.

That attitude will get you far on this journey. Enjoy the confidence exercise gives you. Becasue nobody can make you do it but you so enjoy the rewards ;-)

Elaine said...

Wow, you are doing REALLY well. I can wait to see you in August, not sure if I will be able to keep up with you at the gym now............... :-)

Laura Brandon said...

hey, thanks for commenting on my blog, and thanks for your advice! i think i will try that as soon as i can figure out what to eat when.

i completely agree with you on the love/hate thing. WHILE i'm exercising i can't wait for it to be over, i just hate it. then about halfway through, i start to feel great, and afterwards i always feel fantastic. i keep hoping i'll start loving it all the way through. maybe someday...

Laura Brandon said...

p.s. how did you make those little charts on your side bar? i love them! i want to steal them from you!